bust a gut

I don't know who first read me Harry the Dirty Dog, but I can't remember a time when I didn't love it. So color me happy when I realized that Bridget loved it too. No flashy pictures, nothing fancy. Just a smart little dog who hates bathing. Little girl is 10 monthes now. I'm sad to see some things go away, like the magic cure all of singing B-I-N-G-O. But I cherish seeing her pop up next to the cats and try her best to mimic each one's personal meow. The cats might not appreciate it, but we do. And I love how she's stingy with the kisses unless she's in her highchair and covered in veggies. Then she'll start her howling song. If I lean my face in and sing along, I am rewarded with a big sincere and sticky kiss. I've felt like an absentee mom these past few weeks with the CNA weekend classes.... but come spring and summer, I'm making up for it.

~be brave

This post could be alternately titled "when in doubt, don't look up. just move one foot and then the other." You move forward somehow, even if you're propelling yourself with nothing but bullshit... you fake it til you feel it. I need to remind myself where I am versus where I was. 3 years ago, I was not a girl who would have started down a path of 4 years of more schooling. I enjoyed the easy route. I had time to play.... to explore... to simply be present and soak it in. But then along comes that cosmic joker and shazam! The table cloth is pulled out and half your crap ends up in a pile. But we were brave. We had each other and we had already shared some rough roads and came out blessed and strong. I guess some days I still struggle with accepting where the chips fell. Or what my role is in the new game plan. At the time, I couldn't seriously see any other options. Still don't. Is it just my current influx of hormones or is this the familiar sense of discontent that precedes another giant shift? All I know is, it needs to be felt. Pushing it down has never resulted in anything but misdirected resentment. Maybe part of the churning is the nursing assistant course coming to an end. A new potential piece of the puzzle is hovering. Do we dare try to find a way to fit it in? My prayer today is for all of those in my life who are standing before their own impenetrable wall.... I pray that you slow down long enough and open a courageous heart to a possibility you never knew was available. It is never too late to make the hard decision to start climbing the mountain again.

Haiti's babies....

To anyone in the midst of a journey through the adoption process or the battle with infertility, my prayers go out to you right now. There is so much loss that I can not even grasp the magnitude of it all. But its pictures like this one that I found on CNN... they stop me in my tracks. I'm thrown back into that heart ache of when we desperately just wanted to hold our own child. Adoption has been something I've contemplated ever since I was diagnosed with infertility issues in highschool. Even though we were finally blessed with our Bridget, we are both at peace with whatever way the next family member arrives. Seeing these beautiful children once again thrown to the wind... its more than my heart can bear. They have survived so much in their short short lives. They had a mother who prayed for their safe delivery into this world. Someone had dreams for them. The dice got thrown again and their fates are uncertain as always. My prayers are for these frightened little boys and girls to have strong loving person to get to them in time.

dust doesn't lie

No, dust doesn't lie. I am the worst duster in the world. I always forget to do it until its simply ridiculous. And its those moments where I have a physical reminder of what I have not worked on in a long time. Maybe its the mandolin hanging on the wall. Or sometimes its my guitar or my bible or something else that should be put to use. Yet that poor little tv remote never gets a chance to gather dust. But this post is not about the tv... not this time. I was making dinner tonight and decided to make brown rice instead of the basmati rice that I love so dearly. As I pulled the giant pickle jar where I keep my brown rice on the shelf, I was horrified to see it had a layer of dust so bad that I had to get the scrubber and wash it off before I would open it. Has it really been that long since I opted for the brown rice? There was a time when we were trying to solve the infertility riddle that I switched us over to a pcos friendly whole grain granola mama pantry and loved it. I knew what I wanted and did what I had to. So when did I decide that I had reached the summit? What was it that made me justify going back down the hill once I was pregnant? Maybe I was lulled into the false belief that just because I was having the rockstar healthy pregnancy, that it must be okay to go back to the mindless habits of the past? So, with that.... its time to drag out those wonderful books and be a more conscious cook, wife, and mommy. I am sorry brown rice jar. You will never get that fuzzy again. My apologies vegetable drawer. You shall be filled with crispy goodness again.

leaps of faith

Today was the first day of my second semester back to school. I am pretty much at the point in the game where the momentum has picked up and there are few opportunities for me to stop and second guess it. Plus, I have to admit, I look smokin hot in scrubs. I mean..... I had no idea just how natural they would feel. Rob and I were sitting on the couch after my class and he said "it just looks like you were always supposed to be a nurse." We learned how to wash our hands, put on gowns and gloves, strip a bed and make it again, and that it is universally hilarious when a penis falls off a mannequin. There were a few times I got the self doubts. The idea of performing a bed bath on a perfect stranger... getting felt up by old men(or women) patients.... But I realized that I have done most of these scary things before. Okay, maybe not a perfect stranger, but I've cared for others with serious needs and I survived. So I am excited again. Now if only Bio Chem would be this entertaining and affirming. This week, I shall take a note from baby Slim....

Now is the time to be brave. Charge out there into uncharted lands with determination. You may come away with a few bruises but to walk or crawl with a brave little spirit is a sure fire way to conquer your goals.

Happy 9 Months Peanut!

Dear Bridget,
You are such a scream. Every day I am more convinced that you will be crazier than any of the other girls in my family. I thought Kate would win that award until Mary came along. But the wild look of mischief that crosses your little 9 month old face stops me in my tracks and makes me celebrate..... and cringe when I think what a 13 year old with that same wild streak might do.

But mostly I celebrate. We have lots of time to try and direct that fountain of spazz. I have failed miserably at keeping a baby book or even tracking on your dear little calender. But Ill blame that on being too in the moment to jot things down. One thing I don't want to forget is how singing BINGO cures anything for the length of time it takes to sing it. And I love how those little wheels are turning when you try to remember how to sign for more. And how when you are just on the verge of saying mama or daddy, you almost purposely stop and start saying bah bah instead. The cats are blowing your tiny little mind lately. Its like Elvis has entered the room and is sitting next to you. You almost can't contain yourself when they try to love on you. Its all too exciting.... all you can do is reach out a single finger and run it through their hair. Bailey and Althea are such good big sisters. They will take a good amount of your dolphin like language which you reserve souly for the cats. But when they have had enough, so far they have been firm but gentle with you. I may have to invest in kitty downers for Althea when you move into that "carry kitty" phase. That bald bellied little freak hates being picked up but for you, she may make an exception. I should also invest in an escape free baby cage/crib as I suspect you will be a climbing monkey before too long. I just wanted to say, happy 9 months little peanut butter! Thanks for blowing my tiny little mind on a regular basis...

old school blocks

So we put the word out that this Christmas is gonna be a simple handmade toy Christmas for the little girl. We have plenty of years where she actually asks for things with a million plastic parts. For now we will blissfuly try to keep it simple. With that, I had been in love with the decopauged blocks I was seeing on Etsy. But could not afford the cost of them. So, here was my first attempt at handmade letter blocks for Bridget. There will definetly be more made in the future.

So, first go to your local craft shop and get the blocks you want. I got ours from Woodworker's Depot but I noticed today at Michael's they have them as well. I started out trying to make my own decopage glue but in the end bought the bottle of collage pague from the store and got the best results. Cut squares of paper just 1/8 inch smaller than the side of the cube. Paste on the back of the paper and the side of the cube. Stick it on and then coat the front of the paper too. Use your finger to smooth out any bubbles in there.Then I put my rotary tool to good use and sanded down the edges and corners. Added a couple more coats of the sealer and here we have the cutest blocks in town.