Sunday, February 7, 2010

bust a gut

Posted by Picasa
I don't know who first read me Harry the Dirty Dog, but I can't remember a time when I didn't love it. So color me happy when I realized that Bridget loved it too. No flashy pictures, nothing fancy. Just a smart little dog who hates bathing. Little girl is 10 monthes now. I'm sad to see some things go away, like the magic cure all of singing B-I-N-G-O. But I cherish seeing her pop up next to the cats and try her best to mimic each one's personal meow. The cats might not appreciate it, but we do. And I love how she's stingy with the kisses unless she's in her highchair and covered in veggies. Then she'll start her howling song. If I lean my face in and sing along, I am rewarded with a big sincere and sticky kiss. I've felt like an absentee mom these past few weeks with the CNA weekend classes.... but come spring and summer, I'm making up for it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

~be brave

This post could be alternately titled "when in doubt, don't look up. just move one foot and then the other." You move forward somehow, even if you're propelling yourself with nothing but bullshit... you fake it til you feel it. I need to remind myself where I am versus where I was. 3 years ago, I was not a girl who would have started down a path of 4 years of more schooling. I enjoyed the easy route. I had time to play.... to explore... to simply be present and soak it in. But then along comes that cosmic joker and shazam! The table cloth is pulled out and half your crap ends up in a pile. But we were brave. We had each other and we had already shared some rough roads and came out blessed and strong. I guess some days I still struggle with accepting where the chips fell. Or what my role is in the new game plan. At the time, I couldn't seriously see any other options. Still don't. Is it just my current influx of hormones or is this the familiar sense of discontent that precedes another giant shift? All I know is, it needs to be felt. Pushing it down has never resulted in anything but misdirected resentment. Maybe part of the churning is the nursing assistant course coming to an end. A new potential piece of the puzzle is hovering. Do we dare try to find a way to fit it in? My prayer today is for all of those in my life who are standing before their own impenetrable wall.... I pray that you slow down long enough and open a courageous heart to a possibility you never knew was available. It is never too late to make the hard decision to start climbing the mountain again.