insanity....

Insanity, as it has been described to me many times, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If this is true, I'm nuttier than trail mix. Seriously, lock me up in that padded room cuz I think I've been on this hamster wheel for so long that I forgot what I was running for. The last few days have had a cloud of despair hovering over me. The kind of cloud that you know there isn't any kind of immediate solution beside pray for some sort of healing touch from above to alleviate some of that funk. And I swear, I just got some sort of an answer..... I've been fighting to maintain the very thing I don't want. This job, this house, this unhealthy body, this town..... the fact that it feels like we've let the day to day survival things build up a brick wall to make me forget that I had very different dreams for our family. Dreams that involved living in a community, living closer to nature, living my life for my family and not for the job that I thought held me hostage. In the midst of this revelation, tears streaming down my face while I'm asking God to show me where he wants me, I hear my little girl call out gently "Aww huney.... come 'ere." She puts her arms out and waves me in. And in that instant, I have my reason for living right there wiping away the tears and patting my cheeks and kissing my eyes. Thanks little B. So, the problem isn't solved... but its reminding me to keep close the only 2 things that I really need to keep safe. The rest, well the rest needs some major changes.