so long, its been good to know ya.....

I don't know what pushed me to do it... but I quit sugar. My blessed beloved sugar. I love ice cream.... cookies.... milk chocolate.... Over the years, I've tried to be more conscious of the kind of sugar I took in. But those bursts of awareness usually fizzled out after a few days when I forgot to keep checking labels or was too lazy to make things from scratch. Or the friendlier sugars like agave nectar created a slippery slope back down to where I started. Then I would realize that I had failed again and that would trigger a phase of "i just don't care cuz i can't do it." That lovely cycle of what I want my life to be like but then getting hung up on the snags along the way until I finally return to my old ways. Like they say, if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. And in my case, its a body that keeps me from being the down and in the dirt kinda mom I want to be, and the smokin' hot mama that makes other guys jealous of my husband. Last week, a thought finally sank in, I never fully commit to kicking the sugar habit because unconsciously it scares the crap out of me. Which is completely INSANE!!!

I'm a girl that's faced some pretty gnarly things in my life. Most people know that there was a period in my life where I really enjoyed cigarettes. But I knew it was possible to stop, and so I quit. Before that, I had a lovely funky little life in Seattle where I really wasn't at a loss for anything I wanted.... except for this lovely funky man who happened to live in the Midwest. I knew he was what I wanted, and so I moved. Both of these were huge scary and difficult changes in my life, and yet I did it to be the kind of person I dreamed to be. I could not believe that the thought of quiting sugar gave me more anxiety than quiting cigarettes. It really sunk in that sugar was just as much of a drug.... that it triggered things in my body that are slowly trying to kill me and to take me further from the life that I dreamt of living. Now, I know that some of the things I ingest still have some form of sugar in them.... bread, fruit, etc... but I just want to focus on this one simple step. I think that my past attempts fail when I let the plan get ahead of itself. I'm still eating cheese... I still enjoy some french fries and bacon. And once in a great while, a scoop of ice cream or a piece of birthday cake is allowed if I can remind myself that I will have to wrestle those cravings again like an alcoholic after a fall from the wagon. My hope is, making a sugar free life the norm, then I can add other changes as I go along and see the positive changes along the way. I should note, that the sprinkled cone in the pictures is really an apple muffin cone I bought at the dog bakery booth at the farmers market. Bridget's begging for it looked like how I used to feel when I'd see a pan of brownies. I need to remember that I didn't spend my whole life dreaming of polishing off that carton of Ben and Jerrys.... I spent my whole life dreaming of a healthy body that could hike at the same speed as my friends and a body that stopped guys in their tracks with how it looks in a pair of jeans... jeans I could buy in a store other than Lane Bryant ;) So, sugar, my sweet old pal, its been fun. But we're really not good for eachother. Its not your fault.... well, yeah, its sort of your fault. But I can't change you.... and I can't change myself with you. So, its time for us to see other people.